So I’ve officially started life as a post uni full fledged adult.
You guys, I GOT A CAR. This is how adult I am.
I also started a job. Like a real life adult job with benefits and savings and all that shit (BUT STILL PLEASE ALWAYS BE KIND TO WAITERS). I am a social worker and i work with “at risk” teenage girls at a after school program. We provide all sorts of therapy, work on group dynamics, learn together how to trust and respect, and help them be kind to themselves.
I absolutely love my job.
It is challenging and rewarding and scary and fun. I feel like I’m in my element at last. I am finally doing what I am good at. I am hopefully making a difference.
I love my job.
All last week I have been dragging myself out of bed when it is time to get to work. I find myself impatient on the way, annoyed at silly things. Wishing the day is over already. Even wishing for the weekend to get here faster.
My mornings are spent with down time and binge watching different t.v shows, my afternoons and evenings with a job I love, and at night I get to go dance at my studio, rehearse for the spring musical with my community theater group, and go out with friends.
So why? Why have I been dreading getting out of my pj’s every single morning this week? Why have I been waiting on the weekend to come like any other job I’ve ever had? When I get to work and the girls arrive I forget my annoyance and bad mood. I have fun. I end the day happy. Most days of course, some are always harder than others.
But I am happy and fulfilled so why am I also not?
This bugged the crap out of me all week. It was a nagging voice in the not so back of my head. I felt ungrateful and spoiled. What more could I possibly want I inner yelled at myself as I started the car on my way to work this afternoon.
And then, I realized even if my job was being a professional taster for Ben&Jerry’s ice-cream at some point staying in bed all day and doing whatever I wanted would STILL be more tempting (although to be fair I would probably have to be working there a long time to not want to go in and eat ice cream all day). My point being, humans are generally lazy. I am more so than some and a lot less than others. But I still love spending all day long in my pajamas, and I still get to dread having to go somewhere, anywhere, just because that is what I have to do. I can love my job and my bed at the same time, like the way a parent loves both kids equally (or like only have a slightly more favorite one..) that’s just the way life is and that’s OK.
The thing is you still need to make sure you are grateful for all the days you get, the good ones and the bad ones. Because the worst, even worse then absolutely despising your job or daily routine, is being indifferent to it, to life. Trust me I’ve had times at both and the former is definitely more dangerous to our general happiness as human beings. Nowadays, with all the social media and the way we speed through a thousand emotions in a second as we scroll through our feed (oh look a cute puppy video-oh no someones parent died-niiice dress-oo that new episode is out-shit the news is really bad-YAY happy birthday to you), it is just too easy to become anesthetized to human life, to our highs and lows and in-between’s.
So take a moment and appreciate your crappy day if you are having one.
see ya out there!