Heads or tails

Guys guys, I have come up with the next great invention of the 21st century. Move over Steve Jobs. You think you’re smart Zuckerberg? check this out:

A robot/app/spell or whatever that MAKES DECISIONS FOR YOU. BOOM. *drops the mic*

*runs back in to explain a little more*

OK so I haven’t thought out all the details yet. Or like any details. But but but. How awesome would something like that be?? any time you can’t make up your mind, you feel like your going crazy with the options, you’ve written out the pros and cons so many times you can write a novel – you just press a button and voila! decision made! and the most important part is the added feature of “no regrets or second guessing”. That part is crucial, otherwise it’s just like flipping a coin. which is so not as cool as a app or spell (yes magic will be real one day I’m telling you).

Think about it for a minute. How much time and energy do we spend trying to make up our minds? and if we ever do land on a decision we spend the next hour to two weeks regretting it or wondering if we made the right one.

Eggs or toast? dress or pants? stay in or go out? Reeses or M&Ms? movie or T.V? heels or flats? (just kidding. if I ever seriously consider heels I give you permission to call the ambulance and save time for when I inevitably  break my leg). And all of those aren’t even the heavy doody ones (food does have its place of honor though. never underestimate the question of what to eat for lunch).

which school? what degree? do I even want a degree? study or travel? where should I travel? where will I live? where should I work? do I keep my current job or try something more challenging?

I’m exhausted just writing all of that down forget actually thinking about it.

I wrote this post last night but didn’t post it . I sort of felt like it wasn’t totally done and maybe inspiration would strike a little later. Like, I’d come up with a name for the app maybe. Or get in contact with the iphone people to figure out how much they would buy it for… maybe get a letter from the Ministry of Magic letting me know they have it all sorted out already. stuff like that.

And then I woke up at 5 A.M and couldn’t fall back asleep. And I decided this post is why. I have a big decision to make by the end of the summer and I guess I didn’t realize how much it was weighing on me. I mean I did, sort of. It’s why I started this post in the first place. Why I’ve been so distracted these last few weeks (you don’t know but I’ve been really distracted these last few weeks. see?). And in all seriousness it is driving me a little crazy. I’ve always been a person who follows her heart and guts. Most big decisions I’ve had to make so far in my 23 years of life have been relatively easy. I think things through, weigh my options and all that but in the end I know what feels right and I trust that feeling. This time though, damn. I just can’t get it. I’ve been sitting on this for months now and every morning I wake up with a different decision (side note- will I spell decision right ONE time by the end of this post?! you don’t know because spellcheck, but I keep mixing up the  s and c. Lord.) I mean have I really eaten to much chocolate this year that I finally succeeded it numbing my gut? is that it?

Someone really smart said to me recently, at the end of the day you just gotta take your best guess. you can think it through and try and envision all outcomes but after all our calculations and pages of pros and cons, we really don’t know what the future will bring. And so you gotta take a leap of faith and jump in. Maybe you’ll regret it and maybe it’ll be the best decision of your life. You won’t know until you just do it. maybe not even then. luckily most decisions we make are not life or death.

The control freak in me wants to yell “YEAH SURE YOU GUESS, I WILL KNOW THE FUTURE AND CONTROL ALL POSSIBLE OUTCOMES EVER”.  But part of me also kind of breathes a sigh of relief. Because you really don’t know and you just can’t control it all. or even most things. so just guess and see. It’ll be OK.

 

 

 

p.s

I listen to music when I write (and walk,drive, eat or breathe) and I’ve stumbled upon this guy who does beautiful piano covers… check him out it’s awesome!

 

 

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